that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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