in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
