bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
