I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
