dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
