Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
