It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
