I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
