Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
