Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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