and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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