If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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