saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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