we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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