so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
