haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
