eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
