Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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