I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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