That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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