What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
