Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
