i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
