I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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