what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
