so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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