I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
