we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
