she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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