wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize