You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
