also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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