Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
