Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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