all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
