Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
