My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize