dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
