Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
