I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
