Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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