The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
