she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
