..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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