Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
