Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
