I can tuck mytits in my pants
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize