this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
