Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
