You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She bit a glass in half.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
