Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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