Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
