pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
