I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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