Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
