You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
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