all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
