I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
