True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
