I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
