You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
