This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
