i think i have herpe
just one?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
