im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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