She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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