tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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