Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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