I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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