Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
