gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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