I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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