Kiss
Puke
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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