Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
